What WAS I Thinking???

I hate this.  It is the perfect afternoon for a nap... Samuel and Zachary are sleeping, the house is QUIET, and I so desperately need sleep.  But I can't.  It's the curse of pregnancy.  If I don't get my rest this afternoon, I know it's going to be a terrible evening.  But I simply cannot turn off my mind.

My thoughts turn to everything but the housework, fortunately, which is also in desperate need of attention.  I'm thinking back to a conversation Steve and I had at lunch about names for our new baby.  Fortunately we have plenty of time to think about this, because we'll need to get creative to find something original between my family and his.  Steve mentioned a girl name he likes right off the bat, but I told him to get real, because, afterall, this is bound to be another little boy.

We love our boys.  We couldn't imagine life without our boys.  But boy, oh boy, did they surprise us.  One after another, they kept turning up, well, boys.  Do you ever wonder what thoughts are going through a mother's head when, one by one, she gives birth to not one, not two, not three, or four, but FIVE little bundles of BOY!?!?  Well, I'm about to tell you...

When we found out we were expecting our first baby, we were terrified.  I wish one day I could tell Alex that the news brought tears of joy, but in reality it simply brought tears.  Oh, yes, we wanted plenty of children.  But so much had happened that year:  I recently finished grad school and started a new career, Steve moved back to our then home in Texas from California, we bought a house, got married, and started life as newlyweds.  The exciting news we got just weeks later simply was too much change to handle.  But as the reality set in, the morning sickness subsided, and the bump on my belly grew, we became increasingly eager to introduce our baby to the world.  There was just one problem, in my mind, at least.  There was a 50% chance that this baby could be a boy, and what on earth was I to do with one of those?  I knew a little about boys.  I knew that they can get loud, rough, and smelly.  Afterall, I had two younger brothers and I will never forget the odor that permeated our house when they came back inside from playing soccer.  I also knew that boys pee everywhere but in the toilet, and that they make a habit of stashing used dishes everywhere but the kitchen sink.  And I just didn't know how to mother a creature like that.  But still, when people would ask us, "Are you hoping for a girl or boy?" I would smile politely and give the standard answer: "We don't care, as long as the baby is healthy..."  We like surprises and decided not to find out baby's gender in our sonogram.  And when Alex arrived a full month ahead of schedule, with a set of strong lungs and a full set of manhood, my heart melted and I became the proud mother of my first little boy!

Our second pregnancy ended in tragedy at eleven weeks.  Somewhere earlier in that first trimester, my awful "sick" symptoms mysteriously vanished and I thought God was giving us a break.  I later learned that He was giving us a test, and that He had called our sweet baby home before we would ever know his or her precious face.

So when the puking came fast and furious with our next pregnancy, I decided to grin and bear it, and accept it as a sign that those pregnancy hormones were in full swing.  But no doubt, this pregnancy was completely different from Alex's, from the intensity of my morning sickness to the way I gained weight and carried the baby.  We were so stunned by the differences that we were certain this one would be a girl!  We weren't the only ones; my mother hand-crafted a wardrobe of pink and lacy outfits, complete with a very girly baptismal gown!  So, when to our amazement David made his arrival as a definite boy, it was no surprise that my dad carried into the delivery room a pink balloon that read:  It's a Girl Boy!!! corrected with magic marker.

I really loved the idea of having two sons.  Alex would approach his baby brother, give him a big hug, and say "Two boys!", and I was thankful that they would have each other for best friends.  But we were soon expecting another, and it seemed the time was right to add an X chromosome to our growing family.  However, I knew several families with THREE sons, so when Joseph came out sunny-side up, all I did was laugh!  At that point, it seemed I had a higher calling, a duty, so to speak.  I thought maybe I should look into writing a book or at least join some special club or something.  I felt "elite" to be mother to "My Three Sons" and I definitely decided I could start using them as excuses for A Less-Than-Tidy House, Why We Are Late All The Time, and This Is Why We Can't Sit Still In Church.  Afterall, have YOU ever tried to parent three boys?  Try it, then let me know how easy it is.  And I figured, if I didn't have a girl to doll up, I can still play dress-up with my boys.  I made it a point to find matching outfits for portraits and formal outings, and I basked in the pride of parenting three handsome young men.

Then a fifth "easy" pregnancy brought more heartache, and another child joined the ranks of the angels in heaven.

I really tried not to complain, then, when our sixth pregnancy took me out of commission again, for it seemed the extreme sickness for me was the sign of a healthy baby.  As in the past, Steve and I decided not to find out baby's sex in our sonogram, but when the technician switched the mode to 3D, little Sammy nearly poked our eyes out!  It was beyond obvious we were having another boy, and I remember leaving the sonographer's office with some tears in my eyes, believing this had been our last chance for a daughter.  But now we knew that Samuel James was in there, and we had fallen in love with our son, our fourth boy, long, long before he was born (not to mention there were no embarrassing pink balloons at the hospital!)

And then came another...  another little blessing and another strong heartbeat we heard at just the right time. Then the devastating news.  "Your baby only has half a heart, and there is really no guarantee..."  Steve and I wanted right then and there to start making that baby an integral part of our family and to pray and ask others to pray for him by name.  So we found out that indeed, though he was missing part of his heart, he was definitely not missing any of his genitals!  And little Zachary John came to be known by many, long before his first breath of air.

And you know what?  We LOVE having five boys!  We are blessed in a special way not many parents are, and no matter how we are blessed again, we know it's all part of a plan.

But just in case you wondered, and just for the record when my memory fails me...

...that's what I was thinking as I became mother to five beautiful boys.